Updated: May 7
I usually write a blog a week, but after the week I've had, it wouldnt feel right in my soul to wait until next week to share so I'm listening to the call to action, the reminder and the beauty of Beltane. I'm listening to my ancestors once more in the bright fires of abundance that we are stepping into at this time. So much of the inner work that we do, goes full circle as another deeper layer presents itself to be investigated, integrated, accepted. This week is no different.
You see last weekend a close friend of mine invited me to take part in a 5 day challenge being run by the amazing Dr Matt Kreinheder. I took a look and couldn't really see how it could apply to me but I trust my friends intuition and judgement and his faith in me, so I dove in. Well, what a fucking epic week it's been, my friend as usually was spot on and that's with me being a few days behind the live trainings, so more revelations still to come I guarantee! But that fresh energy of a new challenge, new learning, recognition of resistance and noticing where my energy is still sat in some limitations has been perfect for what I've needed right now.
Last night Rachael and I ran our community group as usual and the topic this week was grounding. (Read more about the Real World Spirituality community HERE) At one point we ended up talking about journeying with specific Crystal's and working through root chakra issues not yet resolved and Rachael started explaining about me needing to work with my masculine energy again, through my work with a gorgeous new Red Jasper piece I have.
Now, as you all know where focus goes energy flows and so I shouldn't have been surprised when scrolling through my facebook, that a blog I wrote a year ago today popped up, entitled 'The lost little voice'. A recap of the blog is below.
That weekend I had run my workshop called 'Hear me Roar'. Its a day of helping others to rediscover their authentic voice within them. The day often holds lots of releasing of old wounds. The wounds of voices being allowed to be silenced by others and by circumstance. It's always a powerful day of speaking truth with love and sharing unique 'songs' as a part of the whole.
On the Monday I had then gone along to a regression workshop run by Rachael. We werent working regularly together at the time but I absolutely love her work regardless and attend as many of her sessions as I can! (You can find her at Rachael's Reiki Healing and Beyond)
In the workshop I had returned to several lives, where a common thread appeared. 'Hard work. Work to death, work hard and sacrifice joy'. At the time I had a realisation that I had always believed that to appreciate any joy in life, you first must work hard and sacrifice. It's a theme I also recognised in my own family too.
My father was a mechanic who loved his work, but was away from home much of the time. Early mornings and late nights, providing for his family. We would often go to work with him and I loved nothing more than tinkering with old broken cars!
Unsurprisingly he was at work when he collapsed from a brain haemorrhage and never did return home, although hes home now with his ashes under a rose Bush.
My mother has always had a strong hard work mentality, working evenings when we were young, as well working hard to keep a tidy and ordered home. She has always been busy. As was my father. But regardless, we as children had a lovely childhood. Caravaning, camping, trips to the forest, seeing friends and family, BBQs and parties. Our father sacrificed a lot of his day to day time, to save up for weekends of fun.
I'm sure many of us have similar stories. Parents work hard. People work hard. Sacrifices are made for the future. But as someone who lost their father at only 13, the future was much shorter than any of us envisioned and suddenly I had been left realising that I didnt really know my dad as well as I wished, because he was so often busy at work.
Getting my head around hard work being a potentially limiting belief was well, hard work! After all, it's what we know. We are taught as early as tots, to work hard for what we want out of life.
Work hard at school for good grades.
Work hard in all areas to move up the ladder at work.
Work hard for the man you want in your life
Work hard for the promise of what will come later.
And heaven forbid you believe in something other than hard work and you are naturally lazy, entitled, delusional. I have to say I had believed that fully and whole heartedly.
As the regression evening unfolded, I came to realise that the 'worked to death' ethic has been present in many of my lives, as well as deeply ingrained in my own patriarchal ancestry. In one life, I worked day and night in a coal shed space, to provide for my large family.
In another life, my hand was mangled at work as a result of being so tired and I lived a life of pain and poverty, losing children to hunger and poor diet.
I even stepped into my own father's life (a part of my higher self shared between us I am sure) in the 90s, seeing him shrug off the niggles he was experiencing, because there was no option but to work, no time to listen to the body.
Stop running the old story.
But heres the thing. Life is a completely different story this time. We are living in a world that for many of us, we have our basic needs met easily.
It can be easy to forget how privileged we are in 2020, in the UK.
Things are by no means perfect, especially right now, but a basic standard of living- shelter, food, warmth, connection are met for a large percentage of us, we have access to free at point of service health care which if this pandemic has taught us anything, is a luxury in the world right now.
And for me, I am definitely one of the fortunate few that can easily forget how hard life can and is for many in this world.
When I looked back through my father's ancestry I saw a running theme.Hard work that is back breaking. Working just to make ends meet if you are lucky. Coming to Scotland for the rich soil and abundant lands, only to find harsh conditions and low yielding pastures.
It's no coincidence that this all came up around Beltane last year, and no coincidence I am going deeper into these areas at Beltane this year.
Because Beltane was a time to celebrate making it through the winter and spring, safely putting the livestock out the pasture and rituals to protect the lands and livestock it was the party to celebrate survival and a commitment of the hard work to come. But mother nature does not provide to us with back breaking work. Its us humans that want things quicker, in specific places, at specific times and we dont want to waot for her natural cycles.
And so, a commitment to a back breaking ethic, would be born for generations to come simply out of a need to work faster than mother nature creates and the universe flows.
For me, I am privileged to be able to do what I love for a living. I have a husband who has a strong belief that working just to pay bill's is no life and so we both share an aligned view of abundance.
Last year I called in my patriarchal line all the way back to when this hard work ethic started. My father led the motley crew of my ancestors, to each own their part in handing down this energy of sacrificing joy for work. And it was beautiful.
An entire line of Scots and celts and Picts owning their emotional selves.
They led me to Balance the masculine and the feminine within myself by owning their part in not doing the same.
I felt that masculine element of needing to be doing, productive and always busy as a mark of success- melting away and making way for a better balance within me. A more intuitive approach to knowing when to be still and when to adjust the sails. When to act and speak, and when to be and fall silent. A newly realigned joy in my work- without a niggling feeling of it being wrong somehow to enjoy my work AND earn money. A sense of being able to find joy and financial security in the same beautiful space and feel no guilt for it. A sense of joy in working the hours I choose, to be able to enjoy the beautiful home ed environment I chose for my children.
And today, as I reflect on the work I've been doing this week, I see the mirror of all that alignment coming into play.
As the fires of Beltane are lit, so too am I lit up in my passion to share my work, embrace the abundance already in my life and to adjust my sails into the flow of money that is always available.
Because what I do is needed. Wanted. Important.
And it doesnt need to be hard work for that to be seen and embraced.
I cannot wait to share my own challenge that is coming up for you all! A return back to centre is coming and I'd love to have you with me for the ride!
Blessed Beltane my friends, what fires are being lit in you today, that you will take forward?