Updated: May 7
Happy blog day!
For many of you, I'm betting it feels like this virus is fucking you left right and centre currently. Am I right? Can I get a show of hands? 🙋
It might be financial concerns, mental health, worries over illness, stress and anxiety over lockdown, home learning, missing that social contact we all need as human beings, something else, or all of the above.
I'd love to tell you that with some positive thinking and keep on smiling that its all gonna go back to normal. I have to be balanced and realistic in saying, it won't. Lives have been changed. In fact, I guarantee that every single one of you will feel changed by this current experience. What I can say, is that I am optimistic that it will work out okay. In the long run, we will thrive. Maybe we will come out of this with heartache, with loved ones lost, with lives forever changed. Maybe the world will be a very different place. (Secretly I hope it will be because my word could we do with some change to the current systems!) But we humans, we love having problems to solve and things to aspire to, so it will be okay.
If you haven't noticed yet, I'm showing my optimism bias right now and positive thinking is amazing, but the thinking alone has significantly less impact than if we then step into intention and take action.
If you are wondering what I'm talking about, I love this TedTalk by Tali Sharot on Optimism Bias. Its funny and informative, just how I like my info!
When it comes to this virus, we just don't know how things are going to work out right now and that is the source of a lot of the problems people are feeling overwhelmed by. This is a new virus and there are a lot of people on this planet for it to toy with.
Sidenote-Viruses don't toy with us, but we like to see them and other illness as the villain in a heroes story right? In truth, the virus is simply doing what viruses do and it's our job as human beings to change, adapt and find ways to become less affected by the said virus due to its threat to human life and the potential long term illness it 'may' carry.
So yes, it's undeniable that life is defo throwing up some 'unique' (understatement!) challenges right now and I am certainly not downplaying the massive shitstorm that is occurring...but I need to address the elephant in the room and that is- There is always something to deal with, an issue to solve.
As humans we actually thrive on problems and solving them, only to find a new problem and round we go.
Maybe being single feels really yuck. Maybe you long to share your days with someone else, to wake next to someone you love. Being single becomes a problem to solve.
And so, you solve it by going out on dates and my word do you have some stories to tell! (That's a whole other blog, my friends!) But dating gives you new problems. Meeting new people, letting them into your life, being vulnerable and scared of being hurt and so on. But these problems feel better than being single. They feel worth having.
And say you find the one! You can finally leave the dating dramas and singledom behind you. Guess what, all you've done is swap those for new problems. Now? You have to deal with the problems that come with being in a relationship! Someone elses morning breath, pants left on the bathroom floor, toilet seats left up, decisions that no longer affect just you, having to share your time with an additional person, having to adjust the life you had to include another.
But these problems? You are more than happy to have. (most of the time...)
We are always seeing problems and finding solutions to those problems gives us better problems (or sometimes worse ones depending on how you choose)
The thing about humans
Is that we easily become content in the mundane and the predictable, only to then start to complain about it internally. It may be a problem that you've complained about in the recent past- life being boring, samey, too groundhog day. But when that is taken away, damn is it natural to feel the ground shake beneath you.
So please know, I'm with you. I get it.
We like routines. The mundane and we like the mundane problems that go along with those routines. It's usually the monthly monotony in a job you aren't loving for the standard paycheck. It's the half baked relationship that feels safer than the alternative (been there done both!) And suddenly right now, you are facing new problems that make those babys look like a gentle afternoon stroll in the spring sunshine.
But here's a thought. Call it a seed.
What if you could choose to solve problems that give you better more valuable problems to solve?
What if, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of your problems right now, you could recognise you have a choice in which problems you could focus on SOLVING and give yourself more positive problems to play with instead?
What if you could decide which problems are worth having, which you can do something about, which you could work on and which to throw away?
Essentially, what if you could consciously decide that instead of giving all the fucks about everything, you could stop giving a fuck? Just gave zero of them?
Oh, Nici if only life were that simple.
Agreed. But here's the thing. It may not be possible to give zero fucks all the time but you can get picky about what you give a fuck about. I care about lots of things, but I choose which things are worth me caring about, I simplify, clarify and then make the choices about which problems feel nicer to have because surely that's gotta be better than letting problems you can't do anything about, take up space in your valuable amazing mind.
And here is the big one. In doing so, it allows you to step into a balance of real, but optimistic and that my friends, is a space you want to be right now.
You could choose to focus on the problems that you want to invest your time and energy in. We know that human beings strive to find problems to solve, so wouldn't it be great to focus on the ones that lead you to problems you are happy having?
It may be human nature to find problems but it's also human nature to seek solutions.
What solutions do you want to find today?
What problems feel better to have?
Where are you forgetting that you get to choose how you respond to the problems showing up in your life?
Because sometimes, all it takes is a change of focus.
If you need a hand with that, book in HERE for some life guidance to get clarity and simplify the overwhelm you are feeling. These are currently mini sessions at a reduced price so they are perfect for this kind of thing.