Playing small? You aren't doing yourself any favours!

Updated: May 7

For as long as I can remember I've always loved bringing people together.

Be it a party, out drinking, a meal, a cuppa, clubs or in more recent years, creating Facebook groups, organising holistic fayres, community spaces and workshops. So It wasn't a surprise when a few years back, an astrologer friend Alex, explained that I have lots of activity in the 11th house in my chart. Her words to me at the time were "Of Course!! You are all 11th house!! You have an 11th house stellium. This is communicating on a larger scale, to groups, on social media and the world at large. 5 planets placed here is huge." Now I'm not big on Astrology but it certainly made sense of a lot of my own goals and interests!

Recently I've embarked on a collaboration with one of my best friends and colleagues Rachael. We've created an online spiritual community group movement designed to, you've guessed it- bring people together to learn and grow and It's been an interesting few months for both of us. For me, our step up into this has allowed space for me to feel into what has kept me small.

Just one of the things I noticed was how despite always being a primary driver in bringing people together, I had done everything to avoid being centre stage within those things, even to the point of self-destruction of my own talks and events! I would then end up feeling resentful that my hard work wouldn't be noticed or jealous when one of the speakers I had pushed into centre stage, had rightly received the praise and uptake in work they deserved.

Interesting right!? Does it resonate for you? If you are feeling a pinch right now, trust me, I know it's a painful one to own.

Jealousy and resentment aren't feelings we 'should' have as spiritual people, or even as moralistic kind humans right? Wrong! Jeez how messed up some stuff can be! Jealousy and resentment are calls to action. They are a call within yourself that you are not in alignment with you and you get to choose whether to do the work or not. Choosing to bypass these important emotions as bad things to be avoided and instead just pretend that everything is GREAT, is frankly one of the worst things you can do to yourself. You are doing it to yourself, and causing yourself pain, but worse than that, others will end up with your shit being projected at them if you don't deal with it too! So, if I was feeling jealous and resentful of the people I was pushing into the spotlight why wasn't I standing in it myself?

Ah, the old fear of being seen! And my word does this one have many layers to it.

I've worked on this one for years and every time, a fresh layer deeper than before comes up to be looked at with interest. I say with interest because this is the approach we all need to be taking regarding uncovering limiting beliefs and conditioning. Non-judgemental observance with logic and a search for our own truth at its core. This fear of being seen tends to be a deep one for not only me, but for most people who experience this particular block, so at the end of today's blog I'll share a little trick to help you uncover a layer and clear it.

Hello Ego my BFF

For anyone who is a follower of my work, you'll know that I like to work in a fairly unique way.

And the first part of that work tends to start with asking people to stop punishing their ego-mind for doing its job. It's there to keep you upright and alive. To alert you to dangers and potential issues as they arise. The problem is, it only has your life experiences to run those risk assessments from.

  • So that time little Nici got told she was boring?

  • That time little Nici got told to stop talking so much?

  • That time little Nici got told she was an attention seeker?

  • That time she was told she was a flirt and a tart for enjoying being centre of attention?

  • That time she got verbally attacked for speaking on something she was passionate about?

Well, your clever brain stores those yucky experiences and works on an alert plan to warn you if you are potentially about to go into a situation that could cause those yucky feelings again. It cant tell the difference between physical and emotional pain and so treats all threats with the same intensity level and suddenly your 5 minutes long live on social media, has become a level 10 red alert threat to life! However, your ego can literally become your best friend, albeit a bit of a drama queen and overreactor. When you learn to observe what it is freaking out about, understand why it's freaking out and ask questions to qualify if the threat is a real one, everyone gets on a lot better!

Back to the new venture. When Rachael and I decided we wanted to put this out into the world, we decided not to play small anymore. We had both run local community groups in the past and felt we wanted to reach out to a global audience. We were both done a long time ago with pretending that what we have to share isn't valuable or worthy or interesting or helpful. But this venture? This is just us. There is nowhere to hide, no one to push into the spotlight and it's been uncomfortable. We've had so many deep conversations about what we each are working through, to ensure that we aren't blocking each other from standing tall and proud and that's when you know you are working with the right person. Just the right level of support and someone to tell you when you are being a dick. Because discomfort isn't a reason to shrink back into the box society tries to push you into. Discomfort is often an indicator that you've outgrown the box and it's time to stretch your legs, lift your arms and say Hello world I'm here!

My higher self had this to say

You heard the call of the soul. Who are you to deny that call being heard? Who are you to refuse to step up and allow it to be heard? Who are you to play small for fear of those lurking in corners in the shadows refusing to let their own light be seen? To deny others your light? You answer the call. You step out and the shadows become out of reach. And those who wish to stay in the shadows can stay there if they wish, no longer hanging to the coattails of those braver than them.

My word that sounds easier than it is. I've had lots of stuff come up surrounding being seen over the years.

  • What if I'm boring?

  • What if I make a fool of myself?

  • What if I lose peoples attention?

  • What if people don't like me?

  • What if people think I'm arrogant or a bitch or too big for my boots?

  • What if people don't agree with what I say?

  • Worse, what if they do and put me on a pedestal that I can't possibly maintain?

And for every one of these, I've developed the same response. I'm going to share it with you now.

  1. Notice the thought.

  2. Write it down.

  3. Begin a set of gentle but specific questioning.

  4. Choose a new belief that better fits me.

  5. Confirm that belief with evidence that it is true.

Now for the questions

The questions are these 4 very simple questions.

  • Do I really believe that?

  • Why?

  • What do I prefer to believe instead?

  • Is there proof of this new belief?

Sounds easy right? It's not. But it is very beneficial! Often you will find yourself going back and forward between 'Do I really believe that?' and 'Why?' several times uncovering more limiting beliefs or old conditioning until you get to the key root belief and here's the kicker, you can only ask yourself what you prefer to believe instead, once you have reached a natural impasse with your mind. You have to get to a 'hmm, I don't really know why I believe that' before you can move forward. Once you get there, you can choose what to believe instead relating to the situation and then check for proof that it's a viable belief.

For example: I'm gonna make a fool of myself!

"Do you really believe that?" - Yes!

"Why?" - Remember that time we walked into that lampost? Or when no one turned up at our live video? Or when everyone laughed at us for that thing? Everyone is out to get me!

"Do you really believe that?" - Well no, not really

"Why" - Well because I have some really lovely friends and so many people I've never met before are really kind and actually hardly anyone is watching us really, I don't know why I think ill make a fool of myself

"What would you prefer to believe?" That what I have to say is valued and interesting

"Do you have proof of that?" Yes, people tell me all the time how they could listen to me for hours, how I talk about such interesting things, how accessible I make complicated information. I am valued and interesting actually!

Boom! I've super-simplified the process for ease of showing you how it works, but do have a go the next time you are struggling with a belief that is keeping you small and stopping you from stepping into your awesome light!

And if you want a hand, this is exactly the kind of work I do with Intuitive coaching. You'd be amazed how quickly things can move forward when you have an experienced pair of hands guiding you. Check out how you can work with me HERE.

Until next time Massive love,


Dare To Be With Nici

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©2020 by Nici Gorman.