Ladies you do not need to be useful to be worthy.

Updated: May 7, 2020



Sisters, you don't do anyone any favours by being constantly available. I know you want to help others. I know you want to be there for friends and family. I know it's important to you to feel you are helping. But do me a really huge favour and ask your self why.


Why is it so important that you are seen by others as helpful?


And please don't chuck me a bullshit answer like 'Its in my nature to be helpful' We are social creatures. It is in all of our natures to be of assistance to each other. Its hardwired in and it's actually a nod back to the old days of there being safety in numbers. You were more likely to survive in a group or tribe and that stands true today.


However! We are not in a world where we must stay in a group in order to be more likely to survive sabertooth tiger attacks. Because honestly? That's where safety in numbers came from. Survival. In a group, you have a higher chance of someone else getting eaten before you. It was a numbers game, harsh but true!


Fast forward to today's society. I am writing this blog on a smart phone that notifies me every time I get a like on a post on Facebook, or someone emails me, or someone books a session, or I get a comment on my Instagram, hardly survival. Yet, it has become one of the tribes by which we measure our survival. The online world.


The online world is amazing.


It enables me to do a lot of the work I do! It enables me to ramble on about this sort of thing! But it is not essential to my survival to be available for everyone all the time. If someone emails me, I can reply at 7pm. If someone messages me regarding work, they can expect a reply at 7pm. During the day, I am working, home educating my children, doing housework, food shopping, out enjoying life, sitting in PJ's binge watching favourite programmes (that's a whole other blog) My time is important to me. Every single day, I do at least 1 thing I want to do, I do 2 things I need to do and I do the 'should's' if I get round to them.


Every day I receive messages and comments and emails from others. I get to choose who gets my time and when. That may sound harsh, but when I was a 'yes' person, when I was available for everyone all the time? No one was really getting any of my time. They were getting half-assed, apologetic, tired, unfocused and unhealthy me.(Sound familiar? At the time it felt impossible to do it any other way, because I didn't want to let others down.


But here's the truth bomb


In truth, I was already letting others down! They began to realise I couldn't be trusted to follow through on my yes's, because I'd said yes to so many people I would double book myself, forget what I'd said yes to, end up unwell or knackered and have to cancel. I became unreliable. (one of my cringe words!)


For a while, I blamed illness, because at the time I had fibromyalgia and severe migraines. Looking back now I'm healed from these, it was often an easy excuse. "Sorry but I'm unwell, I can't help being ill. I can't help having a migraine" To be clear this wasn't a conscious thing at the time and if anyone had suggested I was using illness to not participate in my life, I likely would've punched them! So if you struggle with chronic illness, know that I feel you my friend.


But in the end? I had to face myself. I was making myself Ill. I had chronic illness and still trying to be everything to everyone and do all the things.


And had to ask myself the hard question; Why was I so desperate to help everyone and be available for all like a hologram doctor from Star Trek?