Updated: May 7
You would need to have been living under a rock (or in a deep dark cave) to have not felt the discombobulated energy the last few weeks.
Don't get me wrong, January is often a weird one with many people short on money from over spending, detoxing from over drinking, sluggish from over indulging. January is stated as being the most depressing month of the year statistically, with January 24th being the most depressing day and it's not hard to see why.
But this January is more than that.
I won't mention the politics and potential wars, this blog isn't about that kind of 'more'.
And I do want to take a moment to say my heart is with the people and animals affected by the devastating fires in Australia.
But this 'more' isn't about the physical world and rather, the energetic one.
Energetically I've felt it, despite January rarely being different to any other month for me.
And friends of mine who are also deeply connected and in tune to energy, such as healers, spiritual workers & witches have also been saying the same.
It all just feels a little...off.
Connecting with your tribe
Saturday night, I went round to a good friend of mines and we spoke more about it, both of us feeling intuited to pull out the oracle cards, the candles and get some witchy magic cooking.
It was a beautiful evening of vulnerable open sharing, clearing and holding space for each other as we each got to the root of what was going on for us.
For around 2 years now I've been diving into some pretty deep spaces, healing past hurts, getting to the root causes of my PMDD and understanding experiences that had happened through me in recent times. You see, as a healer it is essential that we do the work, and keep doing the work. Despite this work the past 2 years, there had been one particular experience I'd struggled to release completely.
Always feeling more was being learnt from it.
Never quite being able to let it go.
As we spoke freely, the word forgiveness came up in relation to this experience and I was genuinely at a loss. I had forgiven all. I had no Ill feelings left. I had no desire to keep hold of this. What more could I possibly need to do!?
As I sat massaging oils into my spell candles, feeling frustration that this one thing had still not been cleared away, my guide Aileen stepped in. For those of you that aren't aware, Aileen has been a guide of mine for many years but she often changes her looks and energy dependant on which element of her I need most. Quite the shapeshifter! As I grow, so too does her ability to show me parts of herself that would have been originally too much.
Recently she has stepped into her true deeper, darker, beautiful and powerful Morrigan energy. In fact she also came through in a reading I received recently and was indeed described as Morrigan. At the time I didn't realise how important the words of that reading would become.
'Let go of broken promises that weren't made'
When Aileen came to me last night, she had more simple words for me.
'Forgive yourself for dimming your light and your expertise, to allow another to see their worth'
And there was the light bulb moment I had needed.
I had forgiven everyone and everything, I had forgiven misunderstanding, misplaced loyalties and hurts. The person I hadn't forgiven, the person I was still holding anger and frustration towards, was myself!
I teach this important forgiveness work to my clients with ease, but when you are enveloped in your own journey and the stories you speak in your own mind, it can be hard to unravel for yourself. This is why it is so important to have your own coaches, healers and trusted confidants, if you work in this arena!
I needed to forgive myself! Doh!
As my friend and I began to talk with this forgiveness in focus, something crazy happened.
Memories of my own life returned, and I was genuinely shocked when I realised that in my unspoken promises to help another to feel worthy, I had lied and I had become so adept at playing down my own expertise and experience that I had believed those lies myself and forgotten so much of who I am.
So please, allow me to reintroduce myself.
I'm Nici. I had the first spiritual experience I can remember, at 13 when the spirit of my very recently deceased father, reached out to let me know he was okay. (It definitely didn't have the positive result he had hoped for and it was another 18 years before I heard from him again!)
I've been exploring spirituality and metaphysics in various ways since that age, only I didn't know the things I was doing, had names and actual practices.
I've been working with my guides directly for over 13 years now, indirectly for longer. I simply didn't know that's who they were until around 8 years ago.
Not having the labels for the experiences we have had, doesn't negate the experience.
I have a lifetime of experience and expertise in intuitive work, spiritualism, working with spirit, metaphysics, healing and being a witch.
And guess what? I have a universe full of wisdom to tap into for what I don't know (and believe me that's plenty! The more you see, the less you know!)
And so, forgiveness began.
I forgave myself for making unspoken promises to others, that they didn't ask for.
I forgave myself for making unspoken promises to others that were not possible to keep.
I forgave myself for forgetting me.
I forgave myself for lying to myself and others.
I forgave myself for dimming my own light, to try to make another see theirs more brightly.
I forgave myself for closing myself to the experience and expertise I have always held within me.
And most of all, I forgave myself for sitting small and hiding, while wondering why I could not be seen.
Blocking the path
I know for me, a massive shift has occurred since I got to the bottom of this on Saturday. For me the theme was forgiveness and surrendering to what forgiveness truly is -
A release from the chains you place yourself in.
For you the theme of this funky energy, this weird January vibe, might be forgiveness too, or something entirely different. Maybe, just maybe this vibe is actually your energy being at odds with the abundance the universe is trying to provide you.
Maybe this funk is leading you to sit with your own demons and see how you are holding yourself back from that amazing energy .
Maybe, that needs exploring...because for what its worth, its totally worth it!
If you need a hand with working through this, Intuitive Coaching might be for you!
I'm now using a gorgeous new deck called 'The Starseed Oracle' by Rebecca Campbell and jeez do they pack a powerful message or two from the soul!
You can book in HERE
For now, know that the funky start to this year does NOT indicate how the year will go for you. You get to choose that, you get to decide. You just need to step back into yourself.
and in the words of the bearded lady - This is me!
You? Need to do you.