Be yourself, everyone else is taken

Updated: May 7

With the current pandemic kicking all our arses, it's time to diversify, adapt and think outside the box. But while you do that, it's important to maintain your boundaries, values and priorities! Soooo, heres a blog on being you in the chaos!

What's that skip? Yet another article telling you to just be yourself? Why yes. Yes it is. However! As always, mine won't be 'standard'. Do I do standard? I hope not! (I know so)

There are so many wonderful coaches, mentors, aunts and your favourite granny, telling you that all you need to do is be yourself- so you would be completely forgiven for wanting to stick pointy things in people. It's like the latest buzz phrase! 'Just be you' 'Just do you' But what does that even mean!?! Allow me to break it down for you. It means be yourself. See? Simple!

*Cue screams and rocking in the corner*

We are in a wonderful time of evolution where up until 2020 we have been mostly free of the everyday terrifying potentials of how we may possibly die today, via sabertooth attack, ice age, trampled on by a clumsy woolie mammoth- so we have had plenty of time to sit back and analyse EVERYTHING. Now don't get me wrong. I love analysis. It's part of what I do for others and I help them to self analyse too! And as a therapist (holistic and complimentary) and healer, I am well versed in philosophy and metaphysics.

With the world heading into lock down to get a handle on this virus, It is a beautiful thing to be able to reflect back on old issues and past hurts, get to the root of those things and reframe so that as life adapts and changes, you can move forward in new and beautiful ways.

But there can come a point that it gets unhealthy and we spend so long in that reflective energy of everything being wrong because of childhood, or xyz, that we FOOL ourselves into thinking we are broken. We can enter into states of: Once I fix this I can be more me. Once I've cleared this I will get back to who I am. Once I.....when get the idea.

Newflash! You are always you.

You are always you! In every single moment, you are doing you. You are being you. It is literally impossible not to be.

As you sit right now overwhelmed about how you get through this, as you pull your hair out on day 5 of isolation or have a good ugly cry because your business has had to close- you are still being you.

The tricky part, is that being you is a mix of lots of other people's thoughts, beliefs and opinions too and now more than ever! Constant news reports, social media and family telling you how you should be feeling about all this.

And you yourself are a magical mix of two awesome people getting it on and swapping bodily fluids (Sorry not sorry) So yes you are you. And yes you are little teeny bits of others too.

As children, we learn best from the environment around us. It helps to shape our personalities, beliefs, values and priorities. So naturally, the people around us most, will help to shape those things. (Key word here is 'helps' not creates) If you had a shitty childhood, that doesn't mean you will have a shitty life. Those experiences can help to shape your resilience and emotional intelligence.

If you have a very privileged childhood, that doesn't mean you will have a privileged life. Those experiences can help to shape your ego and independence.

The issue comes......

When we attach experiences to worth. And believe me, it's easy to do. Unconscious even, but even then? You are still being you. You are intrinsically you in every moment. I would love to be able to wave a magic wand and help everyone to see their worth, their value, their magic, just because they exist in each moment. Instead? I have my work and that is good enough for me.

Please understand this.

You are you. You are you when you have attached your worth to other people's experiences of you. You are you when you feel less than. You are you when you feel amazing. And you are you if you decide which bits you want to keep and which bits you are ready to let go of too! There is no 'becoming more you' because you change every moment and so does life.

What there is, is a shedding of other people's versions of you, that don't feel good for the you, you are right now. (Tongue twister much?)

When you shed those bits, you become yet another version of you! Always you. In every moment. Soooooo.......How does this help to unpack all the Bullshit about you being broken or needing to fix stuff to 'be yourself'? It helps because you my friends, are changeable. Malleable. Moveable.

And you always have been.

You get to choose whether to spend the rest of your life trying to fix yourself and become you again.....

Or whether you spend the rest of your life recognising that in each moment you are already you and each of those you's, is pretty fucking awesome.

If something from your past is holding you in pain, of course look at it and see where you can release yourself. But within that, recognise that the previous version of you was just as amazing as who you are right now. She's not broken. She did the best she could with what she had at the time.

The you, you are now? Is doing the best she can with what she has in this moment and when you realise that, you will see opportunities and adaption and new paths that didnt seem available.

Analysis can be great. But not if you spend so long doing it, that you don't live the life you have here.

Now. In this moment.

So yes. Reflect. But the point is that the rear view mirror of this car called life, is small. It's there for a quick glance and possibly a slight adjustment, before returning your attention to what's in front of you.

And what's in front of you? Is more of you, doing you. In every moment. Take the lessons, take the experiences and leave the shit by the side of the road. There is no end to reflection, reframing, healing. No ultimate goal of: 'Yay! I'm definitely ME this time'

So by all means, analyse. But know that you are analysing to move forward into other versions of you who are equally awesome. I wonder who you get to be today? tomorrow? You guessed it! You!

If you need a hand with this in our current trying times, I have online group coaching available and online group healing and hypno available!

Sessions are designed to help you reflect, clear and move forward in small groups of up to 8 people and its ridiculously priced at £7.50 per person, per session.

Oh and wash your hands!

Until next time massive love!



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©2020 by Nici Gorman.